Summary on Proofreading
Last two days, I did proofreading on a project for a online store WebPages, and found that many of the descriptions are not confirmed with the product itself, then, I did a lot of modification according to the images and descriptions. These are some examples below.
Alternative option to the Boy Meets Boy t-shirt. Displaying the powerful male torso design with great cut and quality materials. Pair with jeans and sandals for a strong summertime look.
Original translation：是男孩遇上男孩 （Boy Meets Boy） T 恤的备用之选。彰显男性躯体力度的设计，剪裁完美，质量高端。给人以强烈的夏季风感觉。
Analysis: For my part, as the t shirt is made in Italy and designed in London, also the logo on the garment is also English, then, it’s better for us to leave it in English. Therefore, I suggest to translate “Boy Meets Boy t-shirt” to “Boy Meets Boy T 恤”. Even the buyers are not familiar with English, he or she can also judge from the images and descriptions. Descriptions for products should be vivid and lively, try to avoid cold and flat.
Modified translation: 这款上装与 Boy Meets Boy T 恤确有异曲同工之妙。完美剪裁和优质面料令男士矫健的身驱展露无疑。与牛仔裤和凉鞋的搭配，流露出浓烈的夏季风感觉。
Example 2. Cross over finish for comfort fit. Produced from high quality hand-cut Italian leather and branded single rivet. Comfort and style make these an essential summer purchase.
Analysis: After searching for the corresponding commodity and the description part, it is about flip-flops, not anything else. Obviously, the “交叉处理” for “Cross over” is not correct. Thus, we should determine what the product is based on the images and descriptions, rather than having a bee in your mind.
Modified translation: 该款凉鞋采用「人字拖」设计，格外舒适贴服，由手工裁剪的优质意大利皮革制做，饰有带品牌标记的单铆钉。无与伦必的舒适度及款式使得此类商品成为夏季必购品。
Example 3. For a glamourous alternative, opt for the Swarovski crystal version. Beautiful encrusted with 2265 Swarovski crystals yet still carrying the powerful male torso design. Slim cut made from premium cotton. Crew neck with signature logo tab ‘Made in Italy… Corrupted in London’. Wear with a blazer and smart jeans for a high end look.
Original translation：是施洛华世奇水晶系列的富有魅力的替代选择。以 2265 颗施华洛世奇水晶装饰美丽大方，但仍不失凸显男性有力躯干的设计。领口处有标志性徽标标签「Made in Italy…Corrupted in London」。运动夹克搭配时髦的牛仔裤为高端人士装扮。
Analysis：According to the photo of product, this is a T shirt that has Swarovski crystals on the front. I made some modifications in order to make it more vivid.
Modified translation: 还在寻觅动感炫目的酷衫吗？施华洛世奇水晶版 T 恤是您的完美选择。采用 2265 颗施华洛世奇水晶进行装饰，打造迷人大方却又凸显男士矫健身躯的设计。修身裁剪，由高档棉布制成。水手领处带有签名性标志标签「Made in Italy…Corrupted in London」。搭配运动夹克和帅气牛仔裤穿着，呈现出高贵雅致的姿态。
Example 4. Smart and chic Italian leather belt. Smooth leather with silver chain edging one side, and heavy grain leather on the reverse. Look fantastic worn with both smart trousers and jeans. Quality and style are embedded into ths belt with signature crest logo belt buckle. A great choice fro a classy look.
Analysis： English sentences and Chinese sentences are not the same as each other, when translating into Chinese, we should always keep the Chinese more closely to authentic Chinese， and sentence as“是经典装扮的上好选择。”is not a full sentence according to the grammar and syntax.
Modified translation: 精巧雅致的意大利皮带。正面是磨面皮，装饰有银链边饰，反面是粗糙的珠面皮。与精巧的裤装及牛仔装搭配穿着，极显档次。这款镶有饰章徽标的皮带搭扣集品质与时尚于一身，是经典装扮的上好选择。
Example 5. Stylish plain dye tank top perfect for hot summer days. Top quality fabric and cut with unique detailing of the VA logo tab ‘Made in Italy… Corrupted in London.’
Original translation：现代风格的简单着色的女式背心，完美为炎热的夏季而打造。高质量的面料及剪裁并具有独特 VA 「Made in Italy…Corrupted in London」标志的细节处理。
Analysis：“plain dye”can be translated as “素色”.
Modified translation: 现代感十足的素色女式背心，炎炎夏日的完美之选。高质量的面料及剪裁，加上独特的 VA 「Made in Italy…Corrupted in London」标志的细节处理，令该款背心极具诱惑。
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