5. Too many “的”, “我们” and “您” can make the sentence awkward, we should avoid using too many of them if it is possible.

1) Together, we will deliver more of what our customers need and want by providing and protecting what is vital – clean water, safe food, abundant energy and healthy environments.



2) First impressions have an impact, and we want our new company to start out well with consistent, positive and personal outreach.



3) Sometime on Day One or soon after that, your manager will meet with you and share a presentation that provides an overview of our new organization and outlines our plans for growth.



Read Also: Make Your Translation More Readable (4)

6. Appropriate usage of punctuation (for example, parentheses and colon) can make a complicated sentence simplified.

1) I have identified a major risk to supply based on the contracts for the suppliers I manage.



2) The process of selecting these leaders has been thoughtful and collaborative, in keeping with the principles that drive all of our integration planning efforts.



3) We are now extremely well positioned to fully capture these opportunities across our business sectors.



7. Using all punctuations from the source language can make the translation awkward sometimes. Change it to make the translation fluent when it is necessary.

1) Similar to warfarin across major subgroups with the exception of age where there was a trend towards a higher incidence of major bleeding for patients >75 years of age

和华法令阻凝剂类似,主要亚组除年龄外,大出血患者发病率较高>75 岁

除了年龄大于 75 岁患者大出血发病率较高外,主要亚组和华法令阻凝剂类似。

2) Thinking of your atrial fibrillation (AF) patients on warfarin, what percent would you say are…?

根据您所利用华法令阻凝剂的心房颤动 (AF) 患者,多大比例患者…?

考虑您的使用华法令阻凝剂的心房纤颤 (AF) 患者,您觉得效果如下的比例分别是多少?

(To be continued)