Comparation for Translation

编辑时,经常看到有些翻译在将英文翻译成中文时,非常喜欢翻译成长句,或者就是在一个动宾结构、系表结构之间插一个很长很长的修饰语,再或者就是名词前面有好几个带“的”的形容词,看的人眼花缭乱,也看不清楚这个句子到底是在表达什么意思。个人认为,翻译时,还是尽量把句子断开,形成短句,这样既不容易出错,别人看的也舒服,何乐而不为?以下是在编辑构成中摘录的一些句子,英文下面第一个句子都是原来的翻译,第二句是编辑后的句子,大家一起斟酌一下,希望有更好的版本的同学不吝赐教。 "This launch is an example of our commitment to continually address the unmet medical needs in Japan and to expand access to our vaccines and medicines here and in markets around the globe." 1.“这次产品发布是对我们承诺不断满足日本国内未获满足的医疗需求、并在全球市场内扩展对我们生产之疫苗和药品的获取途径的例证。”(“这次产品发布是…的例证”中间的部分是在太长!系表结构不如改成下面的动词:“证明”) 2.这次的产品发布有力地证明了我们致力于不断弥补日本医疗供给的不足,以及在日本乃至全球范围内普及我们的疫苗及药品。 “Vaccines are a crucial healthcare investment, and the launch of GARDASIL in Japan provides the women in this country with a powerful option to help combat cervical cancer and HPV-related diseases,” says Tony 1.“疫苗是重要的保健投资,在日本发布加德西为本国的女性赋予了帮助她们抗击宫颈癌和人乳头状瘤病毒相关疾病的强有力选择,”Tony 说。(句子太长) 2.“疫苗是重要的保健投资,加德西在日本上市后,本国的女性有了更好的选择,能有力地抗击宫颈癌及与人乳头状瘤病毒有关的疾病,”Tony 说。 “We look forward to working with the Japanese Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare to ensure that all Japanese women have access to the protection against HPV-related diseases and cervical cancer made possible GARDASIL. 1.“我们期望与日本厚生劳动省展开合作,以确保所有日本女性都能通过使用加德西来获得抗击人乳头状瘤病毒相关疾病以及宫颈癌的保护。(后半句太长了) 2.“我们期望与日本厚生劳动省展开合作,确保所有日本女性都能获得保护,通过使用加德西来抗击宫颈癌以及与人乳头状瘤病毒有关的疾病。 As many as 10,000 women in Japan are newly affected with cervical cancer each year. 1.每年有多达 1 万 名日本女性被首次查出患有宫颈癌。(斟酌newly修饰的是什么) 2.日本每年新增的宫颈癌病例就多达 1 万例。 With the launch in Japan, GARDASIL is now available in 124 countries around the world. 1.在日本发布之后,加德西将于全球 124 个国家销售。 2.继日本上市后,现在全球 124 个国家均已出售加德西。 “Providing advice, customization, training, and ongoing support, Jebsen Industrial is drawing on a decade of experience with Foerster in China to establish a new sector for its advanced non-destructive testing solutions.” 1.“通过提供建议、定制、培训和持续支持,并借助与 Foerster 在中国数十年的合作经验,捷成工业正在为先进的无损检测解决方案拓展新领域。” 2.“通过提供建议、定制、培训和持续支持,捷成工业与Foerster中国分部为其先进的无损检测解决方案策划了一幅开创新天地的十年蓝图。” “Balancers are vital to providing the ride comfort that drivers expect from a luxury car. 1.“对希望乘坐豪华桥车获得完美舒适度的驾驶者而言,平衡轴非常重要。” 2.“平衡轴非常重要,能为司机提供犹如乘坐豪华汽车一般的舒适感受。”

Words translated by CCJK


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