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Case Study: 4 Tips for Dating Chinese Girls

Every line of words has two levels of meaning, one being the literal, and the other being the rhetorical. Years ago I helped translate a personal letter from some girl to a boy who lived thousands of miles away and did not even speak her language. The words in this letter might seem a little harsh though, rejecting the boy’s seemingly sincere gesture of furthering their relationship, I believe there was good chance they could end up together, be it for real or just a fling. I’d love to share this letter, but I feel guilty enough discussing other people’s private correspondence already. So, I hereby extend my apologies to both the reader of this post and, more importantly, the two persons concerned in that letter. I will not reveal their names or any detail of the letter whatsoever, but slightly discuss the sender girl’s actual intent at the psychological level that I believe it is. First, I really do not think the girl was saying a dead no to the possibility of them getting together, despite she talked over many critical concerns like they grew up in different backgrounds. Second, the girl implied she would expect future phone calls from the boy and expressed her wish to meet him in person. Those are good news for the boy going after the girl, because we can see deep in her heart, she was also longing for a transnational relationship that could be both romantic and exciting. After all, transnational relationships do not happen every day in life, and you can easily imagine what a teenage girl’s fantasy about it could be. Putting aside the matter of being right or wrong, I believe the boy could easily get her if he was determined enough to make some audacious move, which would be either come right to China or invite the girl to his country with all her expenses covered. That would work, and I guarantee! When a person speaks, writes, or even quotes, there are always two levels of meaning of his/her words. By literal understanding, the audience might get frustrated or even devastated, but a sophisticated listener would further dig out the rhetorical level of meaning of them, which, more often than not, could come out as quite a shock of being totally opposite to their literal meaning. You were asking how I would know that? Well, I made mistakes, and I still make them all the time. In most of the time of my relationship, I have been constantly accused of being too serious at my girlfriend’s jokes meant to stir up the heat. I just can’t figure out whether it is that her jokes aren’t funny or I am just a plain idiot when it comes to my own business. Chinese women are especially renowned for being reluctant to let out of their true intents, and I’ve had a great many lessons on that. Anyway, I have summed up some useful tips for having conversations with Chinese girls. First and foremost, always think oppositely when you hear them talking about anything emotionally. For example, when they say “it sucks”, it means they’d love it; if you ever hear some girl tell you she is desperately in love with you, be careful because there might be things she wants from you, and do not naively think you are the charming guy; if a girl talks ridiculously about the non-possibility of you two getting together while continuously calling you or talking to you, congratulations, you are golden! Second, don’t ever trust the appearance. Physical appearance can be most deceiving and people keep getting tricked down by it. As a good Chinese saying, or a netizen mocking slang, goes, one innocent appearance will eventually fail to cover up the slutty soul deep beneath it. However, there are always a handful of girls that may dress naughtily but startle others in terms of integrity. Third, take initiative. Most Chinese girls are natively shy and they almost never start a conversation with total strangers. It is already sort of impossible to trace back the root of this mentality through China’s thousands of years of cultural evolvement, but their genes are already carved with it. Mark this if you ever wish to accost a girl who is authentically Chinese. Last but not least, don’t ever underestimate their capacity. They may seem fragile in appearance, but they definitely have much stronger hearts than you might ever think. There is a common scenario in many parts of China that keeps astonishing foreigners, and it would be that females usually have a bigger say in household affairs and often talk with their husband in a commanding tone. And for your reference, many traditional Chinese tales are good testimonies supporting that very argument.

Words translated by CCJK

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